1. Nia Lays an Egg

At the beginning of the episode, the cast visits a sex shop. Nia decides to purchase a kegel egg to make her vag nice and firm. She then shoves that sucker up into the temple of Nia and forgets about it. The next day, it won’t come out. Worried that something is wrong, she tells Anastasia who promptly names the egg Eggbert. After doing a shitting motion, the egg falls out and Nia and the rest of the cast are relieved to see the birth of Eggbert.

2. The Jessica Show

The cast goes dirt biking! Of course, Jessica loves dirt bikes and lets everyone know that. During this day out, Averey and Anastasia spend time bonding together and ignoring Jessica. This makes Jess unhappy, and she tries to find a reason by talking to Anastasia and Averey. Essentially, the both agree that Jessica isn’t mean…they just don’t like her.

3. Nia’s Fired

Nia’s lackluster performance at Pizza Schmizza finally catches up to her. One day, she calls the restaurant to see if she is scheduled and is told she is not scheduled at all that week, yet the rest of the roommates are. So she doesn’t show up to work, and her boss assumes that she is quitting. Later, Nia explains that she was told that she was not scheduled for the day she missed but her boss still fires her. Nia leaves her job, but not without telling her boss what she’s really thinking.

4. Trapped in the [Water] Closet

Jessica voices her frustrations with Averey and Anastasia’s clique to Nia. While at a bar, Jessica continues complaining to the bathroom. Little does she know, Averey is using the bathroom and is in a stall. Averey does not want to confront the two, but Nia blocks the door and forces Averey to talk. The conversation gets nowhere, and Averey is pissed off because she was essentially locked in a bathroom.

5. Johnny Argues With His Pants Down

Johnny wants to defend his girlfriend, so he attacks Nia and Jess. He calls Nia a golddigger, and Jess fat. While Nia seems unaffected by the comments, Jessica is really upset. In retaliation, Nia insult’s Johnny’s penis size. So Johnny decides to argue with his pants down, maybe because he’s trying to prove a point??? Like all the other arguments of the night, the roommates get nowhere.

Was that enough to bump up ratings? NOPE, not really.

According to TVByTheNumbers this week’s episode of Real World Portland was watched by 0.91 million people (up 0.01) from last week and received a 0.5 rating in the 18-49 demographic (down 0.1 from last week). While the show was watched by slightly more people the decrease in important demographic is more significant.

Hopefully we’ll get better luck in the future.

Anastasia’s boyfriend is coming!

Ana: “You disappointed me!”

Jessica and Averey fight. Then, Averey gets locked in the bathroom, presumably by Jessica. Johnny starts to confront Jessica and yells “keep getting fat!”

Jessica isn’t happy.

Johnny argues with his pants down.

Nia crying and hugging Marlon outside of the house. Hmmm…

Nia: “I do not enjoy hurting people.”

Jordan and Averey fight, and Averey says “please don’t do that to my dog. Later, Nia is shown with Daisy saying “I’ve got your dog bitch!”

And…Nia throws drinks and fists.

I’m not really sure why that have to attend couples therapy. Seems like they’ve doing well together. Hopefully they get paid to appear on this show.

They will join a cast featuring Flavor Flav and his fiance, Joe Francis (direct of Girls Gone Wild) and some girl, rapper Chingy and his girlfriend, and fellow MTV stars Caitlin and Tyler from Teen Mom 1 who will literally do anything to milk their “fame.”

I don’t think they belong on this show, but I still like them.

1. Marlon Goes Mad

Marlon found himself in the middle of Jordan and Nia’s fight. The next morning, he clearly took Nia’s side. He yelled at Jordan for making monkey noises at Nia and his use of derogatorily language. The fight was heated, but later in the episode Jordan kind of took responsibility for his actions, and Marlon kind of forgave him.

2. Jessica Decides to Get Involved

Hey y’all! Jessica needed to remind the house that she had feelings on the fight too. She mentioned that she didn’t feel safe with a crazy man like Jordan in the house. Anastasia then argues with Jessica, saying she only knows Nia’s side of the story. Still, Jessica feels uncomfortable because of Jordan’s actions. At one point in the episode, she says that as a good Catholic woman she should forgive Jordan, but she isn’t going to and Jesus will just have to understand.

3. Jordan Has Friends!

Jordan’s friends from Oklahoma come to visit! They go out and have a good time, but when the rest of the cast meets Jordan’s friends they begin to dig up info on Jordan. Most notably, Nia talk to his friend Taylor (who obviously is in love with Jordan). Taylor has also been in arguments with Jordan, but she knows how to handle him. It was refreshing to see some level-headed interactions with Jordan.

4. Johnny, Averey, and Pizza

Johnny and Marlon go to Pizza Schmizza to get pizza for the house, but when they get there they see football playing on the TVs at the bar. So they have some drinks and stay and watch. Averey and Anastasia are hungry, so they call Schmizza demanding for the boys to come home. When they get home, Johnny and Averey have another dumb fight. In the end, they get over it.

5. Jordan Gets Deep

After the fight with Nia, Anastasia is the only person who is at all understanding of Jordan. At the end of the episode, she talks to him and he confesses that he is too much like his father and wishes he could change. Ana asks if he ever considered therapy, and he reveals that he has been after his parents found a suicide note of his, though the found it before anything ever happened. Not too much happened in the episode after that, but it was nice to see Anastasia remain neutral throughout the episode.

This week’s episode addressed last week’s argument between Nia and Jordan. Too bad people lost interest.

According to TVByTheNumbers The Real World was watched by 0.9 million people and pulled off a 0.6 rating in the 18-49 demographic.

Not exciting.

Love:

Nia: Whether you love her or hate her, Nia is interesting. The Real World needs more stand out characters, and I think Nia has definitely made her presence know. She’s only been on the show for half of the episodes, but so far I like her a lot.

Anastasia: Apparently this is an unpopular opinion, but I love Ana. I think she’s funny without being overly obnoxious. When I watch The Real World I usually like the crazy ones and the level-headed ones, and I think she’s pretty level-headed without being a snoozefest.

Like:

Marlon: He’s really relaxed. I feel like he’s present for most of the episodes, but rarely a central character. Even when his secret was revealed, he wasn’t the star of the episode.

Johnny: Love my Massholes! I anticipated not liking Johnny, but I really do like him more than expected. I think him and Averey are good together, but that one episode where they fought the hole time was annoying.

Averey: She’s another level-headed person, although she sometimes finds her in the center of problems. Much like Johnny, she was annoying on the episode where she fought with Johnny the whole time.

Jessica: I like her…I really do, but she hasn’t been involved in much other than fights with Jordan and dating Tyler.

Dislike:

Jordan: He’s argumentative and obnoxious. Sometimes I like argumentative people, but I don’t like Jordan. He doesn’t know when to stop, and he fights for no reason.

Joi: She left. I wouldn’t have done that.

Who’s your favorite?

Is there a market for this type of book? Personally, I think that this idea could work. Right now the current trend in television is (insert professional sport here) Wives. So, if Nia want to publish the book, now is the time. I think she needs to get the book out there soon while there is still buzz around the topic, because it’s only a matter of time until people become uninterested in dating pro athletes OR every pro athlete has been devoured by a Kardashian.

Of course, Nia could reach out to fellow Real Worlder Tami who is currently on VH1′s Basketball Wives. She knows it takes to collect child support from date a pro athlete.

But I’m interest to hear what you think. Could this book be popular?

1. Jordan Gets Rejected…kind of

At the beginning of the episode we see Jordan meet a charming young woman named Molli. They decided to go on a date, but on the night of the date Molli forgets her wallet and is running late. After about 2 hours, Jordan decides that she’s not worth waiting for and goes out without her. Unfortunately for Molli, she did not stand Jordan up. Eventually she calls the house and explains the hellish night she went through, only to find out Jordan wouldn’t wait for her.

2. Daisy Disaster

Poor Daisy! She got attacked at the dog park and had to go to the vet. Jordan insisted that she was just cut, and the roommates could treat her with a common household stapler. He was wrong. Daisy needed stitches, and had really been hurt by the other dog.

3. Workophobic

Nia joins Marlon, Averey, Johnny, and Jordan as an employee at Pizza Schmizza. In this episode, we find out that she’s a terrible employee. She hates working, can’t keep the orders straight, and at one point she hides outside of the restaurant to talk on the phone and smoke a cigarette. Her work problems extend beyond Schmizza. Apparently, she had dated many high profile athletes and Jordan deems her a “gold-digger.”

4. Lending a Hand

A recurring theme in this episode is Jordan’s insecurities with his deformed hand. He had a conversations with his new “friend” Vanessa about it, and says that it lowers his self confidence. He could have surgery to replace it, but he pride won’t let him do this. Throughout the episode we also hear Nia make petty jokes about his hand.

1. Jordan & Nia’s Blowout

One night, Jordan returns and it very drunk. Of course, Nia seizes this opportunity to poke fun at Jordan. Things escalate when she brings over a box of Cheerios and Jordan spits some out at Nia. At this point Nia grabs an alarm block and threatens to bust Jordan’s face open with it. The fight gets worse after Jordan repeatedly spits Cheerios in Nia’s face and follows her to her bedroom. At this point Jordan makes jokes about Nia’s race and does a monkey impression. Not only is Nia offended by this, but Marlon is as well. Nia wants to smack Jordan with a lamp, but refrains because she doesn’t want to be sent home.

We saw Nia’s reaction to Jordan’s behaviors, but next week we will see how Marlon responds.